Hotel @nyware

Build Yourself A Great Story

Archive for February 2007

- - -- by Ed Reif»
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If you are over 30, please leave this blog. Hotel @nyware might not be older age appropriate. Like Abercrombie & Fitch, I don’t think it’s in our DNA to really do business with mature people, especially those who speak with a social media stutter.

Oh wait, 50 is the new 30. You can stay a while and learn the best ways to age gracefully---

Eureka! The fountain of You(th) is here: Drink the waters of eternal life from the fire hose---The secret of staying young isn't lying about your age: it's living in America, having a cell phone, an internet connection and using social media, and jonzing to collaborate and communicate with like minds.


Talkin' 'bout My Demographic

Hotel @nyware has officially left the boring "boomer" backdrop, and is now the unoffical Sock Puppet for the trendier Generation “Jones landscape”.

Too young to be a boomer, too old to be an Xer, lead singer for the Counting Crows, Adam Duritz, is playing Maureen McCormick's song---Mr Jones--- Screenager Marcia Brady finally has a home. The 70's guilty pleasure bands like Journey and Super Tramp, and the decade itself, finally can be taken seriously.

We are the greatest and largest generation in US history, born between 1954 and 1965. Our 53 million members constitute more than 1out of 4 adults living in America today. We are the Mission Critical Mass in the Holy Grail for mind share, eye balls and attention. We weren't the lost generation, just the invisable THEY, the anonymous no one.

Defined by a TV Channel, if you know that the first video that aired on MTV was the Buggles' “Video Killed the Radio Star,” you are a card carrying member of Generation Mr Edward/ Ms.Bridget Jones fan club.

We, the Jonzers, saw the (r)Evolution of sex and drugs and rock ‘n’ roll, devolve into AIDS, Studio 54 addictions and ABBA. We , the Jonzers, never could relate to the hippies, instead read the tongue in cheek guidebook---Official Preppy Handbook and wore the see you later alligator Lacoste polo shirts and Sperry Topsiders.

We the slacker Jonzers , who waited in vain for our turn to change the world, now get to pick up the slack for Uncle Sam's post 9 11 angst, and rock the boat on these issues --- a war on terror, global warming, immigration, energy, technology and globalization.

People as diverse as Rosie O'Donnell, and George Stephanopoulus (ABC News) have all joined the assorted Joneses; that new demographic that Jonathan Pontell identified.

This is an obituary for the generation gap. It's never to late to have a good childhood. It's never to late for our generation to be found. We 40 (something)-year-old men and women who act and react, talk the talk and walk the walk and dress like 20 years old kids! This is not a fashion statement but a trend that looks to be permanent. And our own personal soundtrack plays on our ipod.

Social Media makes us more. Something incredible happens with tools which are never put down — which, like the tool of language, are always on, always reliably available. Check out the portals, Path Connect and BOOMJ to communicate and collaborate with your neighbors, the Joneses.

Take the Jones test:

1. The classic mall of Jonesers 1980s culture — first made famous as the epicenter of “Valley Girls,” then featured in the movie Fast Times at Ridgemont High — shut down in 1999. What was its name?

2. The Big Three of our mid-1980's music culture were all born in 1958. Name them.

3. One song overwhelmingly ended the most high school dances across America in the 70's. Name that tune.

4. What did Joneser Brooke Shields have between her and her Calvins?

5. Yeah, Jonesers were the “Sweathogs” of Welcome Back Kotter. How many do you remember?

6. What rumor about Mikey (from Life cereal adds) fizzed among Jonesers in the 1970s?

7. We were the first generation of kids with video games. What was the beloved original?

8. A Joneser played the title role in the made-for-TV movie, The Boy in the Plastic Bubble? Who was he?

9. Three movies with ensemble generational casts were released at the same time in the mid-1980s. The Big Chill for Boomers, The Breakfast Club for Xers. Which one for Jonesers?

10. Which actress in what movie inspired the “torn sweatshirt/bare shoulder/leg warmer” look among Jonesers in the 1980s?

ANSWERS:

1. The Galleria.

2. Michael Jackson, Madonna, Prince.

3. “Stairway to Heaven.”

4. “Nothing”

5. Barbarino, Epstein, Boom-Boom, Horshack.

6. He supposedly died from drinking soda with Pop Rocks.

7. Pong.

8. John Travolta.

9. St. Elmo's Fire

10. Jennifer Beals, Flashdance.



- - -- by Ed Reif»
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Can't Blame It On RainMan!

Qantas Stewardess Lisa Robertson must have taken Hotel Anyware's moniker seriously --- "A Business class ticket to cool, with complimentary mojo after takeoff. Feel free to move around the cabin, but please stay inside the aircraft until you land."

According to Rainman (Dustin Hoffman in the film of the same name ) only one airline, Qantas never crashed; but it did have a mid-air incident on a recent Darwin-to-Mumbai (Bombay) flight. "The spirit of Australia" now has Hollywood's best frequent flyer program as Ralph Fiennes, seat 2K, got triple xxx bonus miles with Lisa Robertson, as the two-time Academy Award nominee, graduate of the Royal Academy of Dramatic Arts, becomes the most recent inductee into the elite group of travelers in the mile high airborne "shagadelic" club.

Ralph has given new meaning to the free spirited traveler's wanderlust. He was on a five-day UNICEF tour of AIDS-ravaged India to raise awareness about STDs. The global promoter and Ambassador of safe sex has become "Unsafe Rafe" at any speed.

Harry Pothead got busted for "Going Down Under" with the former New South Wales DEA undercover cop, turned flight attendant/air matress;as she spends this week negotiating media deals to kiss and tell the story of her fling on Flight QF123.

Daddy's little girl, Robertson says, "(Ralph) didn't' wear a condom. Looking back it was dangerous behaviour - and pretty hypocritical given that he was going to India to talk about Aids. "But at the time I didn't care. As we were going at it he joked, 'Are you promiscuous.'"

Work Ethic In The Toilet "I'm Lisa. Fly Me!"

Her dad Graham Robertson, was quoted as saying" Lisa just does her job and if someone wants a cup of coffee and biscuits, she looks after them." I guess bathroom sex is part of her $24,000 per year job. Check please.

Ba-Bye---Thank you for flying Qantas. Flight crew, you can now return your passengers to their upright positions.




- - -- by Ed Reif»
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DNA Paternity Madness, Who's Your Daddy? We all are! "I'm Spartacus!"

Bloggers are the sharpshooters that come down from the hill after the battle to shoot the wounded, in this case, the dead. I'm talking about Anna Nicole Smith, uber cleavage girl. I'll give it my best shot. Anna Nicole's death offers a new spin on the failure of the war on drugs.

What exactly was Anna famous for anyway? Oh yea,the American dream–trailer trash Vicky Lynn Hogan done good, or least done rich and famous . Being Blonde---it sells and Anna was the Chief Marketing Officer of the Peroxide kind, making gold digging a 90's fashion statement once again. She was the extreme makeover before the ABC TV version. Her plastic surgeries were legendary triple xxx alphabet soup--C-cups, E-cups, F-cups and FF(Maybe her boobs killed her).

The (implanted) bimbos have been converging in Silicone valley calling audibles "Fake right, fake left" ---like American Idol, voting who will be the next Anna Nicole Smith, who will replace her? Our straw poll at Hotel @nyware reveals--- Paula Abdul--- a train wreck waiting to happen has 42% of the vote with 98 precincts reporting.

Anna posed no threat to the Kremlin, so plutonium has been ruled out---Cause of death has switched to how much she's worth, as she joins Hollywood's Hoe Hall of Famer Marilyn Monroe in Strawberry Fields forever, with her dead oil billionaire husband, J. Howard Marshall.

Let's really look at why Anna Nicole Smith and "only the good die young". While illegal drug use is down, legal is up. The number of Americans that "admit" to using is 15 Million; and there is a 140% rise in self reported cases of pain killers. Prescription drugs are killing people. Its the next AIDS. Accidental drug poising is on the rise. We don't mind dieing, we just don't want to be around when it happens. Anna probably wasn't around when it happened.

Peak Performance:Drugs not hugs. The fastest growing group of drug abusers are 12- to 17-year-olds and 18- to 25-year-olds.

Parents are their own kids drug dealers medicating them for depression, attention deficit disorder, and the gamut of psycho and behavioral problems mostly because they want their kids to do better at school and in RL, Real Life. The top three Amphetamines: Ritalin; Concerta; Adderal.

Productivity:Take the blue or red pill. Medicated Marriage.

Mid life crisis in our careers as parents, spouses and/or earners. We drink the koolaid and take drugs like Lipitor, Viagra, Prozac, and Prilosec, to kick start our ability to do more and feel better and to relieve the pain including the pain of having to stop from eating and drinking the things that probably got us there in the first place.The top five pain killers Codeine; Demerol: Percocet: Vicoidin; Oxycontin. The top five Anti-Anxiety Killers: Zanax; Valium; Klonopin; Librium; Ativan. Love may have been the drug... but for many couples, the honeymoon is over--- it's the daily antidepressants which keep the illusionary fire burning.

Life Extension: The "prescription" for happiness. We're not going to the doctor, we're going to the mall.

Old(er) folks take drugs not only to alleviate the pain of aging, but also to extend their lives. HGH (Synthetic Growth Hormones), Deprnyl, Piracetam


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2007 Pro Bowl

The reason football is so popular over basketball and baseball is that its good; and NFL films is probably the reason.There's one miraculous exception---the Pro Bowl--- a meaningless exhibition in an otherwise tremendous sport.

Everything that makes pro football great, the hits, the plays, the players is missing in action. In a world where winning isn't the only thing it's everything: winning a Pro Bowl is secondary---- Staying healthy is what’s counts. That doesn’t make for good football.

In fact , it's cold pizza, going through the motions, not exerting any effort. Is there any player who actually takes it seriously or willing to call it a game? Isn't it just a vacation ,R & R and rehab?Isn't it s just a sadistic reminder to football fans all over America that the season is officially over?

If you are really wondering if the AFC will beat the NFC, well...there's no such thing as bad pizza

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The Good. The Bad. The Ugly: Jeannie, Her Evil Twin and Major Nelson


The Empress's New Space Suit: Going Postal, I mean, NASA. You were a credit to your gender and your Alma mater, Penn State. Bye, Bye Miss American Pie, our last great role model. Barbie wants to be an astroNOT when she grow up.


If only you had worn more sunscreen Lisa; instead of driving your Chevy to the levy. You may have gone from hero to zero G's free falling, but not into oblivion- there's a book deal and HBO special out there. Can't wait to see you on Oprah.


Nowak is da bomb, the new weapon of mass distraction---spokesmodel for adult incontinence and enuresis. She's her own Judge Judy and Executioner with a turbo charged Red Bull Tang Twinkee defense and a pedal to the metal O.J. media frenzy.


Don't mention the diaper? It Depends.Some people call you the space cowgirl, some people call you the gangster of love; some people call you psycho biatch for setting third wave feminists back 50 years. Our number 1 for number 2. You passed the test but flunked the class; just like Michael Richards, Mel Gibson, Lindsy Lohan. The WRONG stuff!


This is Not Brain Surgery. It's Rocket Science! When I drive 900 miles, I use the interstate rest area toilets. But that's just me. I'm not an astronaut, but I was a SAG extra on Armageddon.


Space Cadet---Married With Children--Lisa M Nowak, Captain,Navy Pilot, West Point, Master's Degree. Husband works for Mission Control. Houston we got a diaper. Wheaties may be the breakfast of champions but Lisa must have had a bowl of stupid. Homeboy's wild oats have turned to shredded wheat. Life's a cereal. Ask Mikey.Check please.


Your homework assignment kids is to find out what flight risk means. Actually, Lisa M Astro- nut is the poster child for Diapergate--- NASA's super absorbent billion dollar taxpayer burn rate meltdown: legacy 1970's demented technology, glorified plumbers and electricians. Total waste of money. A Space oddity that may have gone to the dark side of the moon with Lisa Marie's road trip, but, for the most part, has been flying low orbit backyard "missions" for twenty some odd years.




Let the geeks(civilians) inherit the earth again.Where are you now, the Joe Dimagio of Space blogging, Anousheh Ansari GalacticTourist/Ambassador, when we need you? It's up to you, Google and X Prize Lunar Lander Challange to get us back to the moon.




Ground Control To Major Bill: Forget Rehab, What's the meaning of Wife? Get One! Guy Code, Article IV, Section H8: You forgot to PAMPER your woman. Dude(Navy Cmdr William Oefelein) you'd better chose your FWB's --- Friends With Benefits---more carefully. Men are from Earth. Women are from earth: Deal with it.


The man dating, or as Paris Hilton likes to say, having unprotected sex with two women and lying to both them, was the captain of Shuttle Discovery. I think he needs to go to Netflix and rent Fatal Attraction.

Hay Dogg, remember the West Point rule---the woman's always right. Or is that the West Hollywood rule? This is MUST SEE TV! All that anger, all that rage, it makes Ryan O'Neil's look like Father Knows Best. HHNFLLMN---Hell Hath No Fury like Lisa Marie Nowak.

And the Emmy for Lust In Space goes to Oscar Winner Charleze Theron!





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Ah, the Super Bowl---The estimated world wide audience is close to 1 billion people. CBS is commanding $2.6 million per 30 second high octane spot for the Super Bowl XLI Big Game tomorrow. To quote Joe Pesci, That's there business. That's what they do.


Talent imitates but the real men of genius steal: It's always game time , for companies trying to piggyback or "backdoor" off the NFL's turf for free. It's easy, and highly cost-effective, to suggest "Super Bowl" without saying it. The Washington Post calls this the Poor/Wise man's Super Bowl. Ed Reif calls it Sad-vertising.

And then there's SeRiNdIpItY. When Generation Terrorist feel athletic, they don't go to a sports bar, they try hacking into sports websites. The Super Bowl is ranked as a Level 1 national security event, right behind presidential inaugurations. Here's a "Crying wolf" we can euthanize or at least put out to pasture. Those days of walking into a Home Depot and buying a box cutter are gone.

Websense wins the Hotel @nyware-Picasso-Barbaro-Dunkin Donuts Award of Merit for heads up play in beating a dead (trojan) horse. As this weeks Good Cop; thwarting a virus-worm-malicious attack. Accepting on their behalf is their automatic computers who did the heroic act; an import-export game of reading data and connecting the dots.

(This comes under footnote to Bad Publicity for the big game) but good for Websense® Security Labs™:

Offensive Hacking 10 Yard Penalty---Websense "discovered" that the official website of Dolphin Pro Player Stadium has been compromised with malicious code. Dolphin (Pro Player) Stadium site currently experiencing a large number of visitors, as it is the home of Sunday's Super Bowl XLI. The hack has been fixed----No Worries.

Dan Hubbard VP of Security admits to Sportsline, "we literally find tens of thousands of these things a day-they are everywhere from big names sites like this one to mom and pop bakeries." He might as well "alerted" the millions of people who use free web based e mail, that they were going to get SPAM in their in-box.

Isn't this nothing more than a keen sense for the obvious? Could the Geek Squad at Best Buy have figured this one out? I hope that bot (automated tools) Dan pays with bandwidth and electricity gets a little something extra in his CPU this month for moving the ball forward for Team Websense.


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The Burger And The King--Elvis has not left the building---Marlboro Man---is an American Beauty---Look Closer. Cowboy French Fires! from the most powerful---and in some quarters, most hated----brand image of the century.

Now that's a SuperBowl Ad worth talking about-Celebrate that.

And the winner of the Phillip Morris Throat Kazoo, in a smokeless tobacco catagory goes to this Angioplasty---

The artery clogging rant that hails from Germany reads Come to Burger King Country.
SURGEON GENERAL'S WARNING: The smeel of Burger King french fries causes everyone around you to become hungry.

So who is going to win the SuperBowl, Coke or Pepsi? It looks like Coke is still it---Their “Happiness Factory” is a front runner for the beauty contest of best dressed advertisment. Think fantasia meets Rube Goldberg, a fly on the wall look at the inner workings of a Coke machine.


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