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Travel Well And Prosper

Posted by Ed Reif» on - - 0 comments»



WARNING: Google Employee Perks Ahead

Same Shirt Different Day
My buddy Ivan caught this photo op of the Google Acquisition Team jet at HNL.
It's part of their jaw-dropping employee "time away" program. Forget about Dress Down Thursday's and Naked Tuesday's. Aloha Friday's are actually in Hawaii!
Free Lunches On Steroids--A Few Good Search Engines
Labor Day Love American Style Redux
Yahoo is Mommy Dearest: you can name your own salary---but you'll have to call him Fred, as in the Stone-age -yaba-daba-doo-Flintstones.You will never be the man your mother is working for Yahoo.
Why be a man when you can be a success?
Google is Daddy Warbucks: and the Geekfather is making offers the average W2 crowd can't refuse.
Stock Options? That's so pre 9 11. Google is the post-dot-com 800 lb gorrila. The first Monday in September may be Labor Day for the rest of we Ya-hoooooos: Everyday is Labor Day at Google!
Hop On The Bus Gus
You'll be cuckoo for Coco Puffs knowing google won't throw you under the bus---All aboard the Google magic shuttle-commuter bus, no really--they've got 'em.
Major in Mountain Dew Minor in Rockstar
Tuition reimbursement is $8,000 per calendar year but you must maintain a perfect 4.0 Blood energy-drink level at all times.
Pimp My Google
Need a new car, Poppa G has a $5,000 subsidy towards your purchase.(Hybrid of course!)
Instant Gratification Takes Too Long
Want to practice witchcraft and becomming a lesbian? Google encourages employees to spend 20% of their time pursuing individual projects, with more leisure than money on their hands. Google actually pays less salary than Microsoft, their health benefits are less too.
Deja Vu and Amnesia At The Same Time
"Sorry I’m late , Was I got really wasted last night still an acceptable excuse" Of course it is! We're Google, the united states of unconsciousness--Don't worry be happy.The menu is not only the meal, the menu has replaced the meal.
Google's a lifestyle, like Hef's mansion----silicon valley to the nth degree.
The Emeror's New Suit
New T-shirts are placed in bins for people to grab twice a week!
The sex of working for google is rooted in
pleasure. Clocking in for "The Boss Man"is like a hooker who looks at her watch. Welcome to the user friendly universe of a Brave New Workplace for the CPA's, continuous partial attentioners--Home is where your computer is .The free agency.
Google 401(K) Plan contributions can be up to 60 percent of salary, accompanied by a generous Google match with no vesting schedule. Money, after all, is life's report card.
Out To Launch---If you feed them, they will come... three, four free-all-you can eat-meals at 11 gourmet cafeterias...Snack rooms with all the red bull and free pizza an alpha geek could want: It's a third place, where caffeine is not just a drug-it's a vitamin. Stress and Pizza= the Noogler Fifteen, named after the Frosh Fifteen: the 15 pounds that you gain your first year OTJ.

Good Benefits Worth The Annual Fee Onsite Jiffy lube oil change, car wash, onsite dry cleaning, plus a coin-free laundry room ; massage therapy, hair cuts, 24 hour fitness classes-volleyball, swimming, rock climbing, game rooms and scooters. Don't forget the bike repair place. the free broadband and pro-rated cell phone stuff too.
Ski trips, child care, company movie day, summer picnic, Halloween & holiday party, credit union, sauna. Up to $3,000 to my favorite non-profit. Ok. Enough already. Being googly or a noogler is a no-brainer.Perks for Perks.
Putting the ODD into God
Google=god. Google answers prayers. It's potentially immortal. Google is infinite. Google is immortal. Google's credo is that it can do no evil. Google is the closest thing to an all-knowing entity
One Is None.
I joined the "applicant pool" of 1,000,000. They cherry picked 5,000 from the short list last year. The law of large numbers...Do the math.
Liquid Heaven Just add people, and serve up a dish. 1=1=infinity.

What would Jesus do? Work for google- like some copyrighted Act of Creation, the gold standard. the invisible inheritance of The West against the rest.
Hay--bottomline. I like Google. I've been a fan of theirs since the middle ages of the 1990's-on a dial -up- Mac5300- powerbook- netscape -1.0- black and white -browser. I switched platforms (to PC), switched from Netscape to IE to Firefox: But--- It is easier to change your religion than your search engine---especially when you discover all things Google. There's no turning back. I drank the kool-aid.
And now for: A Pound Of Profound: Celestial jukebox no quarters!As I just downloaded freely from Limewire all of Jack Johnson's songs... Ah Limewire, hot and cold running music called file sharing,--- the napsterization of cutting out the middleman.
Easy to get, it made it impossible to pay! Rip.Mix.Burn.

If "Ramen noodles are a dish of effortless purity", than Limewire gives you oodles and oodles of these ubiquitous, noodles.
Teach a man to fish, and you feed him for a lifetime. Give him ramen noodles, and you don’t have to teach him anything. My iPod has moved beyond something that's "cool" to something that's useful: I'm Wearing my music. I'm AccesoRIZEing ,with a Jack Johnson Aloha soundtrack.

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