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Travel Well And Prosper

Posted by Ed Reif» on - - 3 comments»



"The only thing green about Revlon Spokesperson
Sheryl Suzanne Crow is the money she deposits in her bank accounts."
My imaginary Internet friends at Myspace.com


The Toilet Paper Chronicles-I think therefore I am overqualified-The Armstrong Effect


They never really lived together. They we’re just two strangers sharing water and electricity. It was a thankless job being Sheryl's boyfriend, but Lance had karma to burn off. It’s hard to find that special person you want to annoy you for the rest of your life.Who would have guessed the sign she was born under---NO PARKING.


To Lance Armstrong, a testicular cancer survivor, she was obnoxious on a personal level, breaking his heart and busting his chops, drop kicking him through the goal posts of love, till he ended up hating the player and the game- He took his ball and went home.


If only he could be half the man Sheryl's dog thought he was. Lance is a stud. He wasn't someone that you use once and throw away on the scrap heap. He was a real friend--- someone that you could use again and again. Oh well... He broke the Guy Rule: Thou shall not rent the DVD version of Sex and the City.


While Sheryl stays busy practicing witchcraft and becoming a lesbian with Laurie David---whose only claim to fame is being the sex partner of Larry David who helped create Seinfeld--- it's back to the grind for Lance---to those meaningful overnight relationships: Getting in touch with his inner red neck, LIVING STRONG--- like going downtown and practicing his “Git in the truck” lines. And the only honesty these days is telling call girls his real name. "I'll take things that I know for $200, Alex."


To "You Americans", as the first Web 2.0 Psy-Cho Killer chided us during his V Tech NBC Make a Death Wish Morning Show, Sheryl Crow is obnoxious on an ultra granola global scale; saving the world, one square at a time---resorting to toilet paper origami. She thinks that Americans use too many sheets to wipe, and wants us to "Say No to Crack".


What happened to the--- Don't- worry-be- happy- kum -bi -ya- my- lord "All I wanna do is have some fun" girl next door? Growing up was optional, growing old wasn't: She turned forty-five . That's what. Toilet paper....global warming...she's certainly talking sh#@! It may look like she's doing nothing, but at the cellular level she's really quite busy. Someday, Sheryl will look back on this, laugh nervously and change the subject.


As Crow starts believing her own crap, her third eye and turd eye are becoming one----Shift Happens! She is about to jump the shark. She's s a great singer, but her brainpower is Angel Soft menopausal. She thought she was going to leave a mark on this world...She'll probably leave a stain. For now, it's like an Alcatraz (sic) around her neck. Every word that comes out of Miss Fruit Loops mouth is a life sentence bowl of stupidity.Why should she waste her time reliving the past with the Lance drama when she can spend it worrying about the future, and her global warming mentos and coke science project she found out about on YouTube.


The truly educated never graduate. Money is their report card.


Sheryl's Global Warming carbon credit bearing course work is like the 20th grade. Crow is a workaholic: mention work, and all she wants to do is get drunk. The bloated rocker is majoring in Gin , the other white meat, with a minor in Grey Goose; and has maintained a perfect 4.0. blood alcohol level at all times.


The hippo-crite travels with a flotilla of buses and semis--- three tractor trailers, four buses,a private jet and six cars. To call Crow's sideshow a circus is to insult the trapeze artists and bearded ladies everywhere. Yet, her Global Warming cirque du soleil is short a few clowns. Even Jon Stewart who makes fake news real, when nowadays real news seems so fake, is at a lose for words. It's Sex and Drugs and Cuckoo for CoCo Puffs!



WWMWDo? What Would Mr. Whipple Do?


Let's face it: It is easier to change ones religion than the way we wipe our hands, noses and, yup, our rear ends. Allow me to sound like a thing from that other tax bracket- Join the slam dunk Global Warming Hoax Tour-- Fly away with Crow. Sell your car for (biodiesel)gas money...but please, Curb Your Enthusiasm.








Blogged with Flock

“We’ve raised millions and millions of dollars for the fight against cancer, but now it’s time that money goes toward something that is afflicting Lance right now – STDs.”

3 Responses so far.

  1. Free Jose says:

    It is truly amazing that Lance stayed with her as long as he did. Sharing a bed with her must be like diving into a septic tank on a hot summer day. Hell I bet after biking 112 miles through the Alps Armstrong still didn’t stink as badly as this filthy pig.

  2. Linda says:

    Sheryl is going through mid-life crisis. She will take a dive(into what, we won't go there) and the next time we see her she will be shaving her head and entering rehab.

  3. What do you say? What can you say. This has got to be the most lame-brained statement I have heard from even the most radical tree-hugger. I mean, is she really serious?

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